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Sunday, July 05, 2009

Never judge a feeling based upon how good or bad it feels, rather judge it upon how genuine it is. Never judge yourself based upon how you feel. What matters is how you think, not how you feel. In time, I got tired of good feelings and despised them more than sad feelings. Hanging out with a dishonest friend is worse than no friend at all.

Point number four in the list of Correct Thinking. Learn more at

Saturday, May 09, 2009

An assumption is like a person who moves into your house, taking it for granted that they have the right to tell you what to do, but sometimes what they say isn’t so flattering, and can ruin your life. An assumption can get into your head and settle what you’ll become for the rest of your life, but often you could have given more. But, what right does an assumption have? An idea has only as much power given it! A thought is only important if we believe its lies. Never assume you aren’t capable. Look at me! The thoughts were batting me down, but I stood up and questioned them. I didn’t believe in the bad thoughts, I believed in myself. I overcame the powerful emotional scars because I questioned the assumption that I couldn’t! NO ONE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I COULD HAVE OVERCOME THE EMOTIONAL SCARS USING ONLY MY THOUGHTS AND IDEAS! Look at all the miserable people in society who think there’s no hope! Maybe they need to stop and believe! So I say, strip away assumptions, remove the suppositions, and reveal the thoughts beneath conclusions, ideas, and beliefs. Know what you think and why! See the sky anew! Don’t assume what the stars look like, stare up and examine! I believe that doing so saved my life!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

As I walked upon the shores of my life, I understood that every disappointment was for a Divine purpose, and therefore an advantage, and my error in thought was not an error, but a blessing, for it fulfilled God’s purpose for me. To live is to feel; to live is to experience sights, sounds, taste, and smells. To become traumatized is to experience these things over and over in the mind; but it is our life on this earth. It is our reality. We must love the senses as we love life. When one sense takes over the mind, we must experience it until we can experience it no more. Only then will it calm down and the other senses take their rightful place.

And so it is with thoughts. Experience a thought until it can be experienced no more; and then get up and experience it again. Carry it with you until its weight dissipates, and share the thought with a friend. Thoughts are the beginning of civilization. They must be cherished and valued as our most valuable asset and possession, the most valuable thing on earth, the beginning of so many wonderful things; nothing is more powerful than a thought and each must be scrutinized and respected and none overlooked—especially those that have been previously examined and set aside; like plowing a field, the least thought must be revisited to turn the soil for a larger harvest.

Behold, I proclaim! Behold, the power of thoughts! You never thought I could overcome mental illness with my thoughts. You never did, yet I did. Your previous thoughts were incorrect, so I say take them, turn them over and plow the field. Don’t discard your erroneous assumption. Don’t discard the untrue supposition. These incorrect ideas are testimonies of the frail condition that plagues humanity; hardly do you know what will happen today let alone tomorrow; and you don’t even know all the facts of this moment. To be human is to be vulnerable, the unknown a constant reality; but behold, you must see that the road to a higher power is through thought, the weak and the strong, the ignorant and the wise, the knowing and the absence of information. This is where one world protrudes into the other, where humanity must grow to create a higher order of things. So, behold I say, behold, think again about how to constructively create change, and build the foundation from within, each person a valuable building block to the future; study the message that the higher powers of the universe have sent to you.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Below I want to share something I rewrote for my website:

“It’s 1977 and THIS IS BORING!”

Perhaps the words of this journal now seem heavy. Maybe you question whether you should continue reading. You’ve gone through 1975, 1976, and now it’s 1977. It’s probably beginning to seem like you’re reading much of the same thing over and over and over—boring! Second grade, third grade, eight grade, back and forth, back and forth. This is tedious work! Nothing is happening. It’s time to stop reading and bail out! It’s painful to continue. Now, maybe, you can understand the way I felt. Maybe you can understand why I yearned for a place where I could avoid the pain. But no, there was no place for me. I couldn’t put the book down. I had to push forward because I couldn’t say goodbye to myself.

But perhaps at this time I was handling it differently. I wasn’t experiencing such wide swings of emotion. I nonchalantly stated, “I’m still screwed up.” The whole thing was “matter of fact.” I wasn’t depressed. I solemnly accepted the pain. Maybe I kept myself thinking so much that I didn’t have time to be depressed. I was too busy fighting, and as long as I did, I knew there was hope. The most important thing isn’t always where you are, but where you’re going. I was focused on where I was going; therefore, my situation seemed improved. I knew that in the end, I’d leave the room!

The lizard would cause pain until I solved its puzzle but success demanded monotonous hard work. This wasn’t about having fun. “Feel the boredom,” I’d tell myself. It was like being stuck in a small room for years, and you can’t get out! You look at the same walls over and over and over and over and over again. When I began the fight, I thought I would have beaten the feelings a long, long time before. It was a good thing I didn’t know the truth! Maybe I never would have tried.

You the reader can go home. You can leave, put down the book, and never read it again. But for those caught in this malaise, they must first remove the garbage to go home. They must first see their walls to leave their room. You the reader become the enemy. You don’t understand. You don’t see it. You think we’re weird. “Oh, he isn’t that bad!” you’ll say. I can hear it. I can hear you. That’s what you’re thinking. I know that’s what you’re thinking. You don’t understand. You question why someone should feel bad. You question why someone should have feelings. You’ll say it happened a long time ago, it shouldn’t matter now. You’ll say that we should grow-up! You can breath so you think we can, but you left the room and we’re left behind.

To win the “Battle of the Minds,” we must not only overcome the inner world, but the outer: people. We must overcome people and their opinions and thoughts. It becomes difficult to relate to people. It’s as if there’s a glass wall. They swim in their world, and we can’t enter. What they care about seems foreign. What they think about seems foreign. We can pretend to understand, but don’t. We can pretend to belong, but don’t. There is so much inside us that they don’t see. We can’t share ourselves with people who don’t understand. There are two worlds, theirs and ours; theirs seems so perfect, and ours so awful.

This journal is a part of the world people want to deny. Yes, I say deny—but one other thing: A part of everyone, at one point or the other, one variation or the next—a part of everyone is in us and in this journal. They smugly say its not, but it is, and as they deny us, they deny themselves. They’ll say they know nothing of this sort, all the while holding in their own pain. They become our biggest enemy, not even willing to stand beside us or acknowledge us—its because they deny the pain they feel inside. So I push forward alone… The tedium of time is very heavy; but I see the vision, I see where I’m going, and will never let go…

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"...The vision of Christ was a part of the hospital experience, forgotten along with it, yet burning inside me. There is something about the vision that was visible to me like the tip of a great
Ice burg is visible in the sea. There was a remnant, a sign of the vision that I looked at as I wrote the journal. Please keep this in mind in every word you are about to read. Deep in my memory was the hospital, but active in my life was the vision of Christ; look for it, for the vision is there in my words and in what is written below in chapter two. This is why what happened inside my mind is a miracle. "

Excerpt from the website,

Friday, January 02, 2009

Good-bye 2008! We may have lost a lot of money, but hopefully we found our soul! Think about what's most important in life!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

During the bike ride I sat down one evening and wrote about maps. This passage is an example of one facet of my approach toward overcoming the emotional scars. I recognized there was knowledge, but the question was, what knowledge would work for me? There were people who spent their whole lives studying psychology, but did they study the correct thing? What if they spent their whole career studying the wrong thing? What if they took the wrong path for me?

Somehow, I recognized the difference between different forms of knowledge. Some were useful; others took up valuable space and energy for the task at hand. I believed in what was described in the first vision about Eclectic Knowledge. I sensed the Eclectic Knowledge and it was inside me. I followed the path inside me, which was the correct path to solve the problem. Other people were smarter than me, more educated, and older; of course they were, I was only an adolescent, and couldn’t consistently impress anyone; but, my path was inside me. To follow the elder, the smarter, the more able was to fail, for my path followed through Eclectic Knowledge, which came from God, and the intelligentsia of the universe!

Sounds crazy! But thankfully I believed it. If you the reader can’t tell yet, I seemed to be driven by an unknown power. This power took over at some point. I talked about getting knowledge from somewhere, and “hidden wisdom.” On February 7, 1977, I wrote:

“I don’t remember how I knew how to dissipate. It seemed pretty obvious that I could, sort of like looking at a lamp, and theorizing if you pushed it, it would fall. Maybe it was God. It quite possibly was this “hidden wisdom” I sometimes have. I sometimes know things without having any practical experience to know them. Sometimes I hear voices in my sleep teaching psychology.”

On Oct. 2, 1977, I wrote:

“I’m battered and bruised, but I’m successfully dissipating everything. I’m as hard as rock. I’m getting strength from somewhere.”

So as you read about how my path lead to overcoming the torment, consider your path, and pray that you’re on the path God has chosen for you! See that being on the right path can make all the difference, even when it comes to overcoming the impossible.

About Me

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I believe that I can speak about emotional trauma, especially PTSD, in a unique way and give voice to those who may find it difficult to articulate what it's like to be emotionally traumatized. I had the experience of being put in the hospital at the age of two due to being ill with encephalitis. Ironically, encephalitis is an inflammation of the brain, and it was my brain that I needed to use to escape the horrible things that would subsequently happen to me. I was severely emotionally damaged at the age of two by what I believe to be the EEG that the doctors gave me. They put wires on my head and weren't nice about it. The trauma from the hospital experience incubated in my mind until I was seventeen years old. It was at that time that things got ugly. Images and feelings from the hospital popped in and out of my mind. I developed techniques to stabilize my mental state and then to ultimately overcome the emotional trauma. I did this without going for help or talking to anyone. I only kept a journal, "My only friend." If you'd like to learn more, you can go to my website, THE MIRACLE INSIDE MY MIND.